Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
