i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
