it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
