Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
