the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
