evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
