I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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