a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
