So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
