Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
