how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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