so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
