i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
