I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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