____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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