Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
