What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
