hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
