Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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