What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize