i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
