it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
