that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you never un-have a 4some
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
