$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
