I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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