Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
