I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
