So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize