I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
