If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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