this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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