so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
