forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
