i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
