You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
