do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
