Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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