but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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