i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
