i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
