apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
