The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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