is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
