oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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