Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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