i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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