Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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