is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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