you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
