I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize