Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
