My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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