Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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