Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
