Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone says I win the strip club
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
