She is in my trunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
