seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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