I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
two words: eviction party
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
