i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
