It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
